Why this blog?
This blog honors my voice, in the wake of decades of isolation and abuse. My recent sense of community with other survivors has been absolutely essential to my recovery.
Growing up, I was prevented from recognizing my own feelings and thoughts. Attempts to recognize my feelings met contradiction by my father. If I said I was sad, he said I was selfish. If I said I was confused, he said I was careless. If I didn’t agree, I was simply sinful. At seventeen I met a violent man I ended up marrying. Dick (my ex-husband) continued the trend, systematically undermining every one of my feelings, thoughts, and desires. The abuse conditioned me to be out of touch with my feelings and to be ineffective in communicating them. Here on the blog, I act in direct violation of that training.
After my book, why fear blogging?
I spent the last year working on a memoir. In it I share my experiences coping with and leaving domestic abuse. As I worked on the book, I made peace with letting people know about my past. When the time came to work on this blog, I balked. The vulnerability of a blog differs from that of a memoir. I realized I had only prepared to share my past, and that sharing my present is a whole different consideration. For one, this is real-time, and allows comments from anyone on the internet. I also worry about the blog offending the people in my life now.
As a remnant of my time isolated from support networks I fiercely guard my privacy my daily interactions. I know it affects my current relationships with friends, employers, and family. What will they think, learning about me through the internet instead of our time together? I don’t know.
In person, friends respond confidently to information about my “old life.” They eagerly request a copy of my book as soon as it’s available. They want to know who I am by where I’ve come from. When they hear about my current problems, everything changes. Reserved, they offer vague apologies, or stare in blank silence. They don’t know how to help, so they don’t know what to say. Both parties end up just plain uncomfortable with the conversation.
This domestic violence recovery blog serves as a launch point for conversation in the survivor community. Each week I post through my lens as a domestic violence survivor. I reflect on either recent personal experiences, or on current events. My posts give personal views. I welcome your responses and nurturing a strong base for honest voices of recovery.
Are you an abuse survivor? I encourage you to share your stories and lend your voice to the conversations here.
Do you know anyone affected by domestic violence or intimate partner violence? Please direct them to this blog. Together, we can give a voice to our experiences, Together, we can heal.
Rebecca encourages survivors of domestic to speak about their experiences and to lean on each other for support.